Log 2: Types and Rules

Last week we explained the basic afflictions of the living dead. Though these guidelines are a good place to start, they are lacking. According to Uncyclopedia, there are about 27 types and subtypes of zombies, but all zombies can fit into one of these 4 categories:

• Slow and Instinctual

These fellas are going to be your typical, old school zombie. Cracked tibia's and missing limbs often hinder movement. They'll resort to eating mannequins and other human like forms because, as most of their body, their brain has turned to simmering mush.(as seen in Night of the Living Dead)

• Slow and Intelligent

These zombies maybe slow on their feet but are quick thinkers. They can think outside of the box when it comes to catching dinner a.k.a you. Don't underestimate them. (as seen in Dawn of the Dead)

• Fast and Instinctual

You may want to put your running shoes on for this breed of flesh eaters. They are out for blood and will sprint to get it. Thankfully they aren't too bright so you can be saved by your brain as much as your brawn (as seen in 28 Days Later)

• Fast and Intelligent

These are your worst nightmare. They are fast and smart, if they were good looking they would be the the ultimate triple threat. In short, you better bring your "A" game if you want to survive a pack of these zombies. (as seen in Resident Evil 4 and 5 on expert)

Three Rules of Thumb

1. The surest way to kill a zombie is a shot to the head ( burning after is recommended)
2. If you are bit, you will "turn" eventually
3. Never allow hysterical people into your group, they'll only get you eaten.

This week's homework: watch Zombieland for further explanation on the rules of zombie survival play Resident Evil 0 to begin sharpening your shooting and reaction skills

Next lesson: Plotting your Survival Plan *as always look to the official guide for the most complete explanation

Log 1: Know Thy Enemy

Sun Tzu advises to “know thy enemy,” but he fails to mention how to go about knowing an enemy who does not yet exist. I knew there were three ways to answer this question: watching weeks of horror films, playing months of survival horror games and scrubbing the internet. Luckily I have done plenty of the former two, at least enough to know the basics of what we are going to be dealing with.


6 Ways to Spot a Zombie

1. Worn, tattered appearance – This is one of the hardest to decipher but train yourself because it will be the one to save you most. White or cloudy irises and disturbingly sunken eyes are always a telltale sign.

(New parents and students during finals are among the many types of people who can be mistaken for a fresh zombie so make sure you first try to make contact before beheading)

2. Physical Injuries (mostly fatal) – No one should be walking around with an ax lodged in their skull. Enough said.

3. Covered in Gore – If they are covered in buckets of blood and body chunks and not screaming that means they have just had a snack.

4. Smell of Decay – Decomposition, a raw meat diet, and a lack of general hygiene means you can usually smell a zombie before you see them.

5. Incoherent – Zombies “communicate” in grunts, moans and gurgled roars.

6. The Shuffle Scuffle – For the most part, our undead enemy is a slow walker. Scuffles are always a sign of danger as zombies haven’t the inclination for picking up their feet (for fear they'll fall off?)

Getting a Visual
It is good to “see” what you are looking out for too. Google is always a good place to find images of these signs. A perfect example is as follows (viewer discretion is advised):

This weeks homework: watch George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead (1968)


Next Lesson: Types of Zombies and the Three Rules of Thumb.

*see resources for the official guide.

Log 0: It has begun....

For years mankind's imagination has been "gore-ified" with a parade of blood thirsty monsters. Who would have ever guessed humanity's possible end would be brought about by one of them. Yes, the undead have begun to stir. According to the credible Japan Times, an online news site, the Swine Flu maybe more malicious than anyone could have fathomed as frighteningly illustrated in the following excerpt (click here for the full article):

The health ministry has reported that 151 flu patients up to age 17 demonstrated abnormal behavior between late September and mid-November, including acting violently or uttering gibberish.

Coincidental? Perhaps. I, for one, am not waiting around for the answer. Every week I will be preparing in some way for the oncoming Zombie Apocalypse. I will survive, prepare with me and you just might too.